Would like to take a close look at “feedback vs. criticism.” Are they synonymous? If not, how are they different? What do I give? How well do I receive either? Does my team need and/or want more feedback? Have I been giving criticism all this time, or was it feedback? While both may appear similar on the surface, they hold distinct characteristics and implications. Like you, I can reflect on my life thus far and remember specific chapters, paragraphs where I received feedback, criticism and/or both and how I responded both positively or negatively. I believe that the distinction is a critical skill for leaders, in the athletic, academic and business worlds alike and that we all desire to work, live, and play where feedback is prioritized. During several recent coaching sessions and/or workshops this issue or differentiation has been evident. Think back to the top five leaders you have been around…would bet that those top five were very confident “feedback” givers and what you received from that feedback was growth. Below are some differences but also ways we as leaders can focus our energies to create, develop and cultivate environments where feedback is a priority, thus those around us GROW.
Side by Side Comparison
Feedback | Criticism |
Focuses on what we want | Focuses on what we don’t want |
Focused on the future | Focused on the past |
Builds up strength | Focused on the weaknesses |
Inspires | Deflates |
We can make this better together | You are the problem |
Want and desire to make you better | Aimed at you’re no good at this |
Non-verbal is positive | Non-verbal is negative |
Less likely to prompt defensiveness | Feels threatening |
Solutions are explored | Focus on the problem…low solution |
Focused on WE | Focused on YOU |
Actions and behaviors | Personal attributes |
Guidance to improve | No guidance |
Tone and pace are engaged, positive and welcoming | Tone and pace are quick, stern, direct and not friendly |
Growth mindset | I’m who I am…you are who you are |
Based on effort | Based solely on outcomes |
Let’s explore some ideas and/or best practices for coaching your players and employees through feedback:
Have they asked for feedback? Take this very seriously…This is a great place to start.
Work hard to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Practice this…it feels better and less threatening.
No disrespect to the sandwich method which we all learned in High School but wouldn’t use this technique. Nesting feedback rather than spending time talking through feedback and real solutions.
Keep feedback private. No need to share in front of others. Be aware of who can hear and/or read your feedback. Keep this confidential. Nobody needs to know growth is happening other than the giver and taker of feedback.
Think about the feedback your giving…is it action oriented? Can they work on it? Ideas, examples? If I or you can’t take action…rethink it.
Work hard to keep it positive but don’t force it…this is where being authentic and genuine are important skills. Being over the top positive dies quickly.
Create an engagement where you talk less and listen more…dialogue is GREAT
Communicate the intent to give/share feedback on the front end
Feedback with emotion doesn’t end well…think it through and if you feel emotions delay feedback. Suggest from experience…write it out first and your feedback and/or response to feedback will gain clarity w/o emotions, thus land better.
Be intentional about your tone, pace, non-verbal cues, setting…it matters.
Let’s explore how to best receive feedback on the other end:
Did you or have you asked for feedback?
Be mindful to listen, rather than respond immediately. Sets the stage to follow up with the giver after emotions have died down. Doesn’t mean you can’t reply, but if/when you feel emotions coming, just listen and be receptive. Taking notes is a great way to listen better (habit builder).
How will you receive this? Use positive self-talk to keep it positive and geared around how you can use this to improve.
Listen to understand and NOT to reply. This is hard but a critical skill to master. Remember what we get/give when we listen well? TRUST, which we all desire.
Work to connect feedback to your role and not yourself. HARD but it’s not about YOU often.
Stay curious…again if emotions are low, stay curious and ask questions. If this is a follow up the next day or week, take the time to write these out so you capture your intent.
Keep as an action item until you can close it…may be quick, may take the creation of habits to improve. Stay in the fight here.
How to use as a tool?Work through the feedback giver and receiver action items and see if any of those jump off the page for you. Look to assign yourself a score or 1-5, with 1 being low and 5 being high. If you score any 3’s or lower feel free to reach out through email or DM me through social and we can discuss applicable habits to plausibly assist you there. Lastly, I’d encourage you to look at your 1:1 process both as a receiver and giver. What does this process look for you? Your team, organization, and/or company? It’s truly amazing how many people want real actionable feedback, but don’t get it. Our ability to slow down and connect is so vital in creating and developing elite teams. Invest in your team’s growth through an elite 1:1 process…you’ll be happy you did!
Comments