Let’s examine the google definition of CONFIDENCE first. The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something. Feeling sure of yourself and your abilities.
This is a word you hear frequently. The context might be during a coaching session, executing a 1:1 with a co-worker/supervisor, in athletics, in your family dialogue, at your school, on your team, describing someone, maybe something you are looking for in your next employee, a new coach, teammate, game you are about to play in or recently played, etc., but what exactly is CONFIDENCE and do I know that I have it, how do I get it? Most importantly how do I give it?
When I look back at my career thus far, it’s hard to without talking about confidence. The role it has played both good and bad is very evident. It’s critical to have confidence but would argue its more critical to be a confidence giver. This blog will focus here…how do I give confidence to others? Do you remember the first person who truly gave you confidence or made you feel more confident? What did that feel like? Have you passed that on? Have we assumed others are confident? Below is a list of folks throughout the years outside of my family who have given me confidence:
My high school position coach gave me confidence.
o The way he coached and prepared my teammates and I. Always giving me performance feedback, held me accountable to my goals in a loving, authentic way. Trusted this coach because of his ability to connect with not only me but others. Took the time to stay curious and ask questions. Once he knew my goal, it was all about getting me out of my comfort zone and growing.
My college strength coach gave me confidence.
o The way he held me accountable while at the same time pushing me WAY out of my comfort zone every day. The engagement received here was strong too. Very results driven and the first time I “rested in my preparedness.” Was a thought giver…always making us think and solve problems.
The assistant DL coach my rookie year in the NFL gave me confidence.
o The way he taught me. Very authentic yet accountable way that made me work even harder. Honest, open and engaged…all things he was which built strong trust quickly. Was a great listener, followed up well.
A platoon sergeant I worked with gave me confidence.
o Leaned in often…wasn’t the answer man. Stayed curious and engaged me to sharpen his own sword. Constantly testing me, holding me accountable, while at the same time doing this for himself too. Showed grace often and was selfless.
A City Manager I worked for gave me confidence.
o Authentic, genuine, and accountable…had a way of believing in you that motivated you to do anything for the team. This individual’s ability to trust you and give you the chance to be successful and/or fail was special. Exceptional listener and master of following up. Showed grace often.
Threads of “confidence givers”
1. Authentic
2. Genuine
3. Accountable
4. Great listeners
5. Feedback giver
6. Help you see past your toes
7. Take you out of your comfort zone
8. Show grace
9. Lean in often
10. Stretch project giver – geared towards growth
11. Give you ability to solve for “X” your way
12. Give you the chance to “work through the mud”
13. Place trust in you
14. Selfless
15. Let you color outside the lines
16. Help you prepare
17. Honest – Like me, love me, hate me….here you go!
Again, as we look at ourselves and our teams, ask yourself who has given you confidence and how has that helped you? How did that feel? The challenge here is more about how can we share, give, create confidence within our teams quicker, better, faster and more sustainably? If/when we make our teammates more confident, we will at the same time make our teams better!
Why is it important? When you make your team(s) more confident you will also become more confident. Do you want a bunch of baby birds, do you have time for a bunch of baby birds? Or would you rather have a bunch of eagles flying around solving problems and doing great work? Think sometimes in high performing environments we “assume” folks are confident, but that’s not the case…check-in as I’m 100% sure you’ll be happy you did.
JB, “I don’t have the time to be a “confidence giver?” Well, then you’ll be good at hiring as you will be doing this frequently. Think how you can also use the “confidence giver” traits in the recruitment or hiring process, in your 1:1 process, daily reminder to stay engaged, how you connect with others? Stay connected, stay confident!
How to use as a tool? Review the 17 “confidence givers” and grade yourself on a likert scale 1-5, with 5 being the best and 1 being an area of improvement. If you have variables that are low, first define that variable in your own words, then create action steps that would allow you to improve here. Another way to use this for performance feedback is to give the “confidence givers” to the person you are doing a 1:1 and concurrently ask them to grade you, while you grade them on that same likert scale. Once complete go through each one and talk through the feedback…this will take a high degree of vulnerability but would prove to be very valuable feedback.
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